


reconstruction

by screaminghalfpastmidnight



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Awkwardness, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, References to Sex, buck is in therapy, he appears to be pretty wise in this, he knows a lot now, hen being a good friend, kind of, no christopher im sorry yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 21:27:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30011199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screaminghalfpastmidnight/pseuds/screaminghalfpastmidnight
Summary: “I had sex with Eddie.”Not the first words Henrietta expected to hear on a random Sunday morning in March, but she can’t say she’s all that surprised that it’s Buck who’s saying them.ORbuck and eddie have sex one night and then promptly ignore each other until buck shows up at the diaz house and they talk it out. awkwardly.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 16
Kudos: 301





	reconstruction

**Author's Note:**

> first 911 fic!
> 
> ps can anyone help me tag this? for some reason i cant find the eddie/buck tag. there's always some third character added in there. anyone else have this problem??
> 
> happy reading :)

“I had sex with Eddie.”

Not the first words Henrietta expected to hear on a random Sunday morning in March, but she can’t say she’s all that surprised that it’s Buck who’s saying them. She looks at him for a second, blinks, and then drops her duffel, moving to sit down on the ground beside where Buck is standing, leaning against the side of the firehouse. Buck bites his lip and then moves to sit down beside her, pulling his legs up and resting his arms on them, letting out a short breath. 

She’s silent for a second, pressing her lips together before asking, “Well, was it good?”

Buck snorts, avoiding her gaze and instead, opting to stare out at the big tree in front of their station. “Honestly? I think it’s the best sex I’ve ever had.”

Hen knits her eyebrows together, tilting her head with a smile. “Well, shit.”

“I know.” He nods, waving a hand as if he agrees with whatever she must be thinking. “I don’t even know how it happened. I went over like I usually do, Eddie forgot to tell me that Chris wanted to sleepover at a friend’s, so I was there anyway. We were watching a movie, and… next thing I know, we’ve had sex, I’ve stayed the night and I wake up to the two of us  _ cuddling _ , as if we needed another reason to make things awkward.”

“Did you talk about it?” Hen asks, nudging his side and hoping the answer is yes.

“No.” He frowns, looking as if he knows they should’ve. “It was super awkward and unnatural and we just… sorta pretended it never happened.”

Hen hums, reaching over to grab Buck’s hand and pulling it to her lap, intertwining their fingers for support. She’s realized over the few years of being this man’s friend that he needs something to ground him when he’s trying to have an honest conversation about something he’s worried about. It seems to work, because he speaks again. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I mean, he’s Eddie. He’s my best friend and now it’s all screwed up. And like, I get it, you know? He’s straight, or thinks he is. I remember how confusing and scary it was for me when I was with a guy for the first time. I don’t wanna push him, but I also can’t pretend this never happened. But maybe that’s the only way to ensure I don’t lose him. Or Chris.”

“Well, what is it that you want?” She asks, crossing her legs. “Do you want sex or a relationship?”

He pauses for a moment, thinking. “I love Eddie, I do. It’s not hard to imagine loving him in a…  _ different _ way. I mean, I’ve been playing this role for all these years now and after everything with Ana and Taylor…” The 118 doesn’t know much about the three months last year when everything was weird between Buck and Eddie. They placed bets, of course (what kind of squadron would they be if they hadn’t?), but most of them came to the conclusion that it had something to do with their respective girlfriends at the time. Karen would say that Buck and Eddie got so comfortable with the little family they created that they didn’t realize that would all end when they started dating people, hence Buck distancing himself from Eddie - though never Christopher - and Eddie letting him, despite his confusion and how much he obviously missed him. Eddie and Ana eventually broke things off and decided they weren’t right together, Taylor and Buck remained friends after their casual sex ended, and then Buck and Eddie were back to how things were before. Closer, even.

Hen finishes for him. “You didn’t realize how much you wanted the full package.”

Buck rubs a hand over his face, exasperated. “When I envision my future, of course I see all of you there, but mostly I see Eddie and Christopher. It’s never specifically romantic; it's just… the three of us, together. But I don’t think there’s any chance for that.”

Hen lets out a dry laugh, letting go of his hand to pat his shoulder, shifting forward and looking at him like he’s ridiculous. “Buck, you and Eddie had  _ sex _ . You stayed the night, you work together, you’re practically family, you’re like a second father to his kid. You know I’m right. So, yeah. If I had to take a vote, I’d say Eddie wants that, too. I don’t think you would’ve gotten this far if he didn’t feel that way on some repressed level.”

Buck laughs loudly, as if he can’t believe this is his life. “That’s exactly the problem, Hen! He’s repressed as hell. He’s thought he was straight for his whole life. Even if he wants to  _ try _ something with me, he can’t do it. He’s not in the right place to jump into something with a  _ man _ , and even if he were, there’s Christopher to think about, and our friendship. If we don’t do this right, we could ruin everything.”

She snorts, shaking her head and rubbing Buck’s shoulder. “Well, you’ve sure jumped on the worst case scenario train.”

“Oh, you wanna hear worse?” Buck says, eyes wide as if he’s thought this through. “We haven’t talked since Friday and I highly doubt we’re going to be able to keep it mellow and non-awkward throughout this impending twenty-four hour shift.”

Just then, Bobby exits the firehouse, clearly looking for them, and leans his arm against the garage opening as he says, “Eddie called. He’s not coming in today.” before leaving without another word.

Hen sighs, letting her eyes slip shut. “Oh, we’re all in it now.”

\--

It’s Monday morning, after his shift, when Buck drives straight from the station to the Diaz house, after nothing but radio silence between the two best friends. There’s a voice in Buck’s head telling him to leave it, let Eddie come to him, but he’s also been through too much therapy over the past year and he knows how his own brain works now. He’ll go crazy with worry if he doesn’t sort this out now and he really doesn’t want to spend however long wondering if he and Eddie can get past this. They have to.

He knocks on the door and then sits himself down on the top steps of the porch, only looking back when he hears the door open. Eddie looks surprised to see him, and a little unsure of himself, but he steps out anyway. Buck knows him too well, can see the thoughts rattling around in his head and smiles, shifting to make room for him. “We need to talk. I know neither of us really want to and it’ll be awkward and weird, but we have to. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna say anything stupid.”

“I didn’t think you were.” Eddie says, sitting down beside him hesitantly and god, Buck missed his face - even though they were only apart for a few days. They sit in silence for a second, Eddie looking smaller than Buck’s ever seen him be and so he decides it’d be best for him to talk first.

“We both made a choice on Friday, and now things are different because of it… but I’m not gonna sit here and make demands of you, Eddie.” He looks to him, hands wringing together and jaw clenched, before continuing. “I know your entire world has been flipped and you’re probably having a serious identity crisis and the fact that you slept with your best friend is most likely not helping that.”

Eddie lets out a breathy laugh, though it quiets very quickly. “No, it’s not.”

“I get it.” Buck says so softly, Eddie barely heard it. Eddie finally looks up at him, looks him straight in the eyes and Buck’s relieved to see no anger in them, no reserved or guarded gazes. They’re quiet again, both looking straight ahead until Eddie speaks, a little hesitantly.

“Did you know? I mean, was I…?”

“If you’re asking if you were my first guy, your answer’s no.” Buck smiles, biting his lip and suddenly looking a little guarded, like he doesn’t talk about it much. “I’ve known I like men since high school. My first was… not a good guy.” He admits, looking over to Eddie, who seems interested, and slightly upset at the revelation. “I was still living with my parents, so I had a really warped perception of what love was supposed to be. I was really vulnerable and trying to deconstruct the belief system my parents had given to me, and he took advantage of that.”

“I’m sorry.” Eddie says, and means it.

“The last thing I want is for you to feel how I did back then. Pressured and…  _ alien _ .” Buck says, shaking his head. “So, I’m gonna follow your lead here, Eddie. I just don’t think that anything is worth losing each other over.”

“You’re not losing me.” Eddie responds immediately, as if offended the words fell out of Buck’s mouth. “Or Christopher. I don’t know much, but I know that.”

He stares at him for a second, taking in the way Buck’s jaw unclenches and his shoulders lose their tension. Eddie just sighs, nodding as if he’s telling himself that this is fine, that they’re being ridiculous and things are only awkward because they’re making it awkward. Eddie reaches out, clapping a hand on Buck’s arm and rising from his position. “Let’s go inside.” He says. “You’re tired. We can fall asleep to some movie.”

Buck frowns, looking up at him. “Are you sure?”

Eddie stops at the door, turning so he can look Buck in the eyes sincerely. “I want you here.”

Buck follows him inside.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment if you liked it!!


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